


Alongside You

by michaelLemieux



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez and FinnHan, all other characters beyond Finn and Han are just mentions, kill me mates, okay so, original title: Training Wheelies, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 18:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6621391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michaelLemieux/pseuds/michaelLemieux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Han throughout various moments. Rides alongside Melanie Martinez's 'Training Wheels'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alongside You

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Miles who inspired this fic, and damn him for it.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the song, or the characters borrowed in this fic. The photo is also not mine and is the work of Miles Y.  
> ( link to the art: https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13012875_1121446834572825_8472809169875918986_n.jpg?oh=d38fda89310839da149aed6c5df8cb9a&oe=57D52A97 )

 

__

+++

_Riding down, riding down_

_My hand on your seat_

_The whole way round_

_I carry band-aids on me now_

_For when your soft hands hit the jagged ground_

 

+++

 

He was never a pilot. Machines were often too much for him to understand, and the most he knew was how to keep his gun in working condition and how to fulfill his post. All questions and curiosity was squashed before they came about and he was simply a number.

He wasn’t a fighter either. Didn’t have the stomach for enacting violence unless it was his last resort or for someone else’s sake. He was taught to follow orders, but beyond that he was taught to fear. That made his legs move faster than anyone else’s when he ran away.

But Han. Han was a fighter, and a pilot, and a _hero._ His hero. Big man in the Resistance became nothing more than a man, but it was never less than that and he never felt looked down on. Han looked at him like he was another kid who didn’t understand the world. Didn’t know what was worth fighting for. Didn’t know how to live. How to love.

He started thinking he was learning that one.

 

\---

 

Han saw that look in Finn’s eyes and was transported back to meeting Luke. It wasn’t the same. It would never be the same. But still there was something in him that was so familiar. So drawing.

The kid stuck to him like glue. Him and Rey. Afraid of losing someone again. Han had chosen loss over listless silence, and it was hard seeing this fresh young boy so afraid of it. He should have felt hardened and uncaring that Finn still hadn’t known how truly dark that pit of loss could be, but instead he felt like he wanted to let the boy know he wouldn’t leave.

That wasn’t a promise he could keep, and he knew it.

  


+++

 

_Wheels aren't even touching the ground_

_Scared to take them off but they're so worn down_

_Promise I won't push you straight to the dirt_

_If you promise me you'll take them off first_

 

+++

 

It wasn’t that he felt corrosive. It didn’t eat away at him or at other people, but there was something about _him_ , he was sure of it, that made them get hurt. Maybe he just followed people who didn’t know how to stay safe. Finn had that in common with him. When Han was a younger man, he would have run away from the First Order too. Hell, he tried, didn’t he? Tried to leave and never come back. To not walk into danger that he couldn’t walk out of. No suicide missions, no big speeches, no ‘you have to fight this’. Just running into the arms of cowardly safety. Living for the thrill rather than for a higher cause.

Turning towards the righteous path had led him to pain and loss and grief tenfold than what he would have had otherwise. But then he wouldn’t have fallen in love. Wouldn’t have had a son. Wouldn’t have met Finn.

He couldn’t watch another one go through the pains of the light. The Force, it was a tricky mistress, and she didn’t pull punches. He knew what Finn would go through without him, but he couldn’t quite let himself really be there. Lest he become a lesson of the Light that pain is necessary, and without it, you cannot know true gratification.

 

\---

 

“Please.”

It was a small word to Finn. He’d done more shameful begging for a blanket to avoid freezing. Somehow, though, this felt scarier. There was more at stake here.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, Finn.”

Flooded by relief, Finn dives into Han’s arms. It nearly knocks the breath out of the old man, but Finn’s too careful for that. A hand comes to rest at the base of his neck, and Han huffs out a breath against the shell of his ear.

“You’re a good kid, Finn,” he grumbles, not letting on how far under his skin this went.

Not letting on how much he understood that Finn would never, _ever_ betray him.

 

+++

 

_Love everything you do_

_When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do_

_Wanna ride my bike with you_

_Fully undressed,_

_No training wheels left for you_

_I'll pull them off for you_

 

+++

 

Love wasn’t in his conditioning. It wasn’t a part of his DNA, it was something for civilians who couldn’t handle being a Stormtrooper. Who couldn’t handle the mantle of doing what needed to be done. So when he felt those words gurgle up from his chest and out into the air, it startled him more than it startled Han.

“I don’t think you know what that means,” he scoffed.

The first thought was rejection. Then fear. He felt so suddenly that this all was a trick and he wouldn’t be allowed to see him ever again because this was wrong, this wasn’t in his programming, he wasn’t someone who could learn to love, or learn to be loved, it was a trick, a cruel cruel trick, and they were going to kick him out now because even in the Resistance, there wasn’t room for weakness and there wasn’t room for him and there wasn’t room for some snivelling love sick boy that didn’t know what not to do, and--

“Hey, snap out of it,” he barks, and wide brown eyes snap _to attention_ , and that hurts Han more than the watery eyes and panic.

“Didn’t mean ‘ _no_ ’, kid.”

A hand touches Finn’s face, and he flinches because for a second he forgot his name and the hand was coming to put him in his place. Instead it cradles his cheek and pulls him in. It’s a short, dry kiss, and it’s over before Finn can register what’s happened, but he’s back in Han’s arms and that’s all that really matters at the moment.

 

\---

 

“Ditto, Finn.”

 

+++

 

_Letting go, letting go_

_Telling you things you already know_

_I explode, I explode_

_Asking you where you want us to go_

 

+++

 

There hasn’t really been a ‘talk’ about it. Finn doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t offer any remarks, and Han is more than happy to carry on like it didn’t happen.

But.

Finn touches him more. Not big, not intrusive, just… touching. Brushing metal shavings off his jacket. Wiping grease off his cheek. Knuckles bumping each other as they pass food between them.

Then, late at night, he says it again.

“I love you,” he murmurs to his hands, happy that he has at least this much.

“Yeah, you’re a good kid, Finn.”

This time Han pats his head, and it’s the purest joy he’s ever seen on anybody’s face when Finn smiles at him.

He wonders where this will end. If it will end in the dark.

 

+++

 

_You've been riding two-wheelers all your life_

_It's not like I'm asking to be your wife_

_I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say_

_Is this coming off in a cheesy way?_

 

+++

 

It’s when they’ve lost Rey that Finn can’t sleep anymore.

He paces, wandering the halls of the Falcon long after Chewy passed out, and while Han was still forcing his hands to direct the Falcon towards Leia. He touches everything in the halls the same colour of Phasma’s helmet, then everything he can’t name but is sure that Rey could. Then he ends up next to Han.

“What are you doing on the floor, kid?”

“Can’t sleep.”

A nod, then, “We’ll get her back.”

“I _know_  we will, but.. I still can’t sleep.”

“Huh.”

Finn glances into the space in front of Han’s knees. He takes in a breath, leans his head against Han’s leg. He exhales when he isn’t rejected. Answers the questioning hum.

“Don’t mean anything. Just… let me stay here.”

There’s one too many heart wrenching seconds before Han answers and Finn almost moves when a hand settles on his head.

“Yeah. Sure, Big Deal.”

Finn chuckles, and with Han’s hand in his hair, murmurs a soft, wordless profession of love and Han almost can’t handle how ridiculous this feels.

 

+++

 

_Love everything you do_

_When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do_

_Wanna ride my bike with you_

_Fully undressed,_

_No training wheels left for you_

_I'll pull them off for you_

 

+++

 

Han kisses him for real when he truly sees that spark of life in Finn’s eyes that feel closer to Luke than the kid would ever know. Chewie howls over his shoulder that they need to move, and Han releases Finn’s head, moving forward towards the battle before them, no matter that Finn was only in sanitation and doesn’t have anywhere near the qualifications for this mission. Never mind that he’s scared shitless heading towards a confrontation with his son that he failed. Never mind that Leia squeezed him before he left with that damned all-knowing look that he could never escape. Never mind that it was a kiss good bye. Never mind that he’s so proud of Finn that he could die.

And he does.

 

+++

 

_I love everything you do_

_When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do_

_Wanna ride my bike with you_

_Fully undressed,_

_No training wheels left for you_

_I'll pull them off for you_

 

+++

 

Without any shields to protect him from this loss, Finn is devastated.

Han doesn’t come back like Poe did.

A part of Finn is with him until he does.

  


 

Or at least… until the Force embraces them both.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so this happened. this is a thing i did.


End file.
